


What I'm Living For

by limitlessrose (shinealightrose)



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: And eventually love, And then comes Johnny, Brief Jungwoo/Taeil, Doyoung gives good hugs, It's a story about friendship, M/M, Not the scary kind, Taeil hears voices, slight angst but not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-09
Updated: 2019-08-10
Packaged: 2020-08-13 09:08:58
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 9,466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20171746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinealightrose/pseuds/limitlessrose
Summary: The day Taeil realizes he can hear peoples' voices, he never guesses one day he's going to fall in love with them, or him.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Part 1/2 and I'll post the second chapter this weekend! 
> 
> I cannot meet you alone, finding my own way to make it, if your trip is scary.  
What I'm living for, one does not change either ma heart, unchanged ma heart.
> 
> \- End to Start

_ Hello? Who are you, please? _

Taeil startles at his desk. There’s a fuzz in his ear, like damp cotton balls. A little girl’s voice in his head. Taeil clutches his hands to his ears and bows over his fifth grade reader. 

_ What?  _ He whispers in his head.  _ Who are you? What’s what’s happening?? _

_ I’m Annie,  _ says the little girl,  _ and you are very loud.  _

It's the first time Taeil ever hears the voices this clearly. He’s ten years old and he doesn’t know who Annie is but she can obviously hear his thoughts. 

_ Can’t you think a little quieter, please? I’m trying to concentrate, thanks. _

Annie is snarky and just a little bossy but she won’t tell Taeil anything more about herself. 

_ My name is Taeil _ , he thinks after she asks him in his head. 

_ Taeil? That’s a weird name. What kind of name is that?  _

_ I’m Korean?  _ He apologizes, not knowing why he does. 

_ Well that’s weird. I’m American. You  _ are  _ living here in America though, right? Because I’m sure I’ve never heard anybody as far away as that.  _

Through context clues Taeil guesses she is somewhere in his school. He doesn’t know how old she is, what class she’s in, the name of her teacher or any of her friends, but sometimes when the recess bell rings he can hear her exclaim that she wasn’t finished with her book. It happens at the same time he hears the bell in his own classroom. 

_ Are you out here?  _ He calls into the sea of children playing on the playground, playing ball, or sitting in the shade of the trees picking flowers and threading them into wreaths. 

_ Yes.  _

_ Can we meet?  _

_ No, I don’t really need any more friends. Besides, you are too loud.  _

Ten-year-old Taeil feels the rejection more deeply than he should. He’s a foreigner, he has few friends, and he’s just starting to realize that most people can’t actually hear each other’s thoughts, let alone hold a conversation with someone. Someone who doesn’t want to be friends. Taeil stands in the middle of the field, a target for his ethnicity and all alone, and while he can’t hear or see Annie laughing, he knows she must either pity or despise him. 

  
  
  
  
  


He graduates from elementary and moves to middle school. This time he makes friends with another Asian boy named Kun in his homeroom class. He’s less lonely now that he has someone to talk to in the mornings and at lunch and on his walk home from school. But he hasn’t heard from Annie anymore. She no longer scolds him for stressing too loud, he doesn’t accidentally overhear when she shouts something in her head about her friends being dumb. No more one-sided conversations trying to figure out who she is with her sassy quips and pleas to leave her alone, she’s reading a very nice book, thank you very much. 

_ Are you there?  _ He asks into the void.

_ Is anyone there?  _

And for two whole years no one replies. 

  
  
  


At the start of eighth grade when Taeil is thirteen years old, he hears the new voices. There are two of them, a boy and a girl. He’s walking through the halls trying to find his new homeroom while simultaneously keeping an eye open for Kun when he hears their blathering. Once again the cotton balls dampen, and Taeil halts in the middle of the hallway, hands to his ears because he’s almost forgotten how it feels. He’s almost forgotten it was real. 

_ This place is a dump,  _ says the boy.

_ Oh shut up, Yuta, you’re never impressed with anything. Where are you anyway? I think I’m lost. I found the gym but I was supposed to be going to the school offices. Did your parents register your transfer papers yet? _

_ ‘Course they did. And uhm, I’m somewhere near the cafeteria? Think the food’s any good here? _

_ Who cares.  _

_ Right I forgot you pack your own lunch.  _

Someone chooses that moment to run until Taeil who’s still blocking half the hallway. He falls to the ground, backpack like a heavy weight around his shoulders, crying out, “Oww!” as his knees surely bruise on the flooring. 

_ What was that?  _ The girl suddenly shouts. 

_ Lisa?  _ says the boy.  _ That wasn’t you?  _

_ No way! That wasn’t- uhm. Hello? Who are you? Yuta I don’t think we’re alone anymore.  _

Taeil’s first instinct is to not make a sound. Nothing audible, nothing internal. He makes his way to his knees and crawls toward the nearest wall where there are less students shoving their way through. He barely even breaths. 

_ Hello? _ they ask again. It’s followed up by speculation there’s a third Listener in their school this time, and Taeil can no longer hold back his thoughts. A Listener? What’s that? Is that what he is? Is that what Annie is? 

But no one responds to his impromptu thoughts leaving Taeil to decide his training with Annie about not bothering her so loudly must be working here. 

Meanwhile, the boy’s voice is growing louder in his head.

_ You think we were mistaken? _

_ I don’t know? I guess it’s possible.  _

Two people who are like him and they almost seem like friends. Taeil yearns for that as much as he’s terrified by it. He keeps listening to their conversation and he swears the boy is growing louder still. 

_ Okay Well Anyway I’m ALMost TO MY CLASSROOM I THINK AND  _

A wave of sounds threatens to overwhelm Taeil as he head pains up and his heart rate doubles. 

_ ROOM 335  _ ** _JUST SO YOU KNOW AND OH!! SHIT!!_ **

_ What? What is it? What’s happening!? _

Taeil doubles over in pain like his head’s about to explode when the boy, Yuta, suddenly goes terribly quiet. Taeil pants, his back to the wall, on his butt with his knees up to his chest, palms cradling his head. 

There are a pair of shoes stopped in front of him. Taeil sniffs, blinks once, twice, then dares to look up. A Japanese boy with long black hair is staring down at him, obviously alarmed. 

They gaze at one another for seconds, ten seconds, twenty, Taeil doesn’t even know, neither talking, neither  _ thinking.  _ Then the boy holds up his finger to his lips, silence. He walks away. 

A full minute later comes the greeting. 

_ Sorry I forgot how loud that can be. I’m Yuta. What’s your name?  _

And Taeil, now firmly sitting in his homeroom class with Kun by his side, a blazing headache, and a puzzled looking teacher, says,  _ I’m Taeil? Who  _ are  _ you guys? _

  
  
  
  


They meet at the baseball field after school. After several hours of radio silence since their hasty introductions, Taeil walks with trembling feet to find Yuta sitting somewhere at the back of left field, and a blond girl perched near home plate. 

_ Right field? I don’t know. I think that’s a safe distance.  _

Taeil does as instructed, sitting down as he tries to focus on the faces of these two new people he’s met. He thinks the girl is smiling, but with the sun reflecting off her face, from this angle it’s too hard to tell. 

_ Do you always stay this far apart?  _ Taeil asks.

_ Yes, _ the girl named Lisa answers. 

_ You felt what happened earlier,  _ Yuta adds.  _ It’s been a while since there were more than us two but we usually keep the other informed of wherever we go. Just in case. _

_ How long have you known each other?  _

Lisa says,  _ Since 6th grade?  _

_ Nobody even guesses we are friends.  _ Yuta laughs out bodily. Even at this distance Yuta can hear him with the naked ear. 

_ Have you ever met another Listener?  _ Lisa asks. 

_ Once,  _ he says, thinking of Annie.  _ But she never wanted to meet.  _

He sees Lisa nod her head.  _ She must have known what would happen. You were awfully quiet today though. Never heard you once. Have you had practice guarding your thoughts? _

Taeil chuckles.  _ Yes.  _ Though it wasn’t formal, that’s for sure. 

Suddenly he’s not so bitter about Annie. She evidently knew what she was about. The reason she didn’t want to meet Taeil is that she knew they physically couldn’t. They couldn’t be friends, not like normal people. Almost three years of despair are washing away, remaking Taeil anew again. 

_ A girl named Annie was always yelling at me to shut up. I learned fast. _

_ Annie?  _ Asks Lisa.  _ Don’t think we’ve ever known an Annie. There was Raul back in 6th grade, but he was kind of reclusive.  _

_ I knew a Sicheng back in 4th grade,  _ says Yuta with a sigh.

Neither of them elaborate. 

_ Oh! Remember Jaehyun!?  _ Lisa thinks so loud it makes both Yuta and Taeil jump.  _ Sorry. I forgot. But yeah, he moved back to Korea with his family last year. And then it was just us again. _

_ Us three now,  _ says Yuta. 

_ Yeah,  _ Lisa agrees.  _ Welcome to the family.  _

  
  
  
  


Thanks to Lisa and Yuta, 8th grade becomes the best year in Taeil’s life. It’s impossible to compare from before, but the loneliness in Taeil melts away like a bad dream. It’s like having his very own pocket friend. Two friends he can talk to whenever he wants, wherever they are in the school. And they do. Aside from the times they’ve strictly put aside for silence—class times except for the subjects they hate—the three of them chatter throughout the day. 

_ Can you believe Mrs. Lee? Homework, on a Friday?  _ comes Lisa’s complaint before the end of the day.

_ Sucks to be you _ , says Yuta.  _ I have Nothing! _

Taeil finishes turning in his Reading assignment before jumping into the conversation.  _ Me too. I’m home free! _

Lisa whines, a non-intelligible groan that echoes in Taeil’s head. He smiles.

He’s so lost in their little world Kun has to elbow him to get his attention.

“Huh? What is it?” 

“I was about to ask  _ you _ that? What’s so funny?”

“Uhh, nothing really,” says Taeil, distracted and a little embarrassed. “Just thinking about something.” And it’s not a lie. 

Through his new friends, he learns more about how this  _ Listening _ works. Obviously, they can’t go anywhere near each other without their voices growing too loud. They also can’t talk to each other when they go home from school, leaving each to suspect that their range is limited since none of them live near the other. Yuta cuts out halfway home on the bus, his voice fading into whispers, and Lisa the same but in another direction. Taeil lives the closest to school. Sometimes he can hear them if they beat him there. 

_ ETA 10 minutes, nobody come to the front of the school _ .

_ Thanks, bro, I’ll be in my room by then _ , says Yuta.

_ In place, and all clear _ , says Lisa. 

It goes without saying they know each other’s schedules and classrooms by heart. In the first few weeks they learn to perfect their walks from one place to another, everybody down a different hallway so they could still chat about their days, complain about teachers, their lunches, parents, siblings, etc. 

And when it’s silent time, they’ve all gotten good at masking their thoughts. Yuta describes it as a thought within a thought. The innermost voice, the one that doesn’t needs words but just  _ knows _ . If Taeil forgets and starts talking to himself, Lisa will hear and nudge him back into silence. If Yuta suddenly starts cussing, she’ll caution him too. It’s an agreed upon skill they’re learning to perfect. 

_ Once someone intentionally says something _ ,  _ any Listener within range can hear you. There’s no thinking individually or person to person.  _

From their stories about 6th grade, Taeil learns that that’s not always desirable. He’s lucky to have two such people who are friendly and like talking to him, and that there are no others in their school who aren’t. 

He wonders how many others out there are like them. He wonders why they exist, why they can Listen, why it’s possible at all. But for this, even Lisa and Yuta don’t know. Their knowledge ends with their own experiences and from those they’ve met. They’ve never known a Listener who was related to another, they’ve only known a handful at all. They’re girls and boys of every age and ethnicity. And they can never meet up close. 

  
  
  


The year goes by in a flash. 

Taeil enters high school ready for anything. He has two secret friends joining him for the adventure, a boost of confidence for his place in the world, and… another Listener. 

They meet Doyoung on their first day, Lisa, Yuta, and Taeil shouting their whereabouts with loads of incidental commentary about the school, the facilities, their new atrocious dress code, white or green polos, no jeans. 

Taeil is busy laughing in his head when the familiar buzz of a new voice chimes in. 

_ Wow, y’all are loud. _

Doyoung reminds Taeil a bit of Annie. He’s snarky and easily annoyed, quick to huff about their antics but instead of ignoring them he eventually gives in. He and Taeil ‘meet’ across the cafeteria from one another. Doyoung is tall and angular, less jovial looking than Yuta, less happy than Lisa. He doesn’t smile, doesn’t wave; he barely acknowledges the physical Taeil at all. 

_ Huh. Alright then, so what’s your schedule again? I’m a bit rusty on this whole thing _ . 

It’s been two years since Doyoung was around another Listener. And, it seems he wasn't on good terms with the few he’s known. Perhaps that accounts for his reluctant personality, his hesitant offering of friendship, as if he can’t believe that Lisa, Yuta, and Taeil really have a relationship that’s entirely in their heads. 

Admittedly, it gets a little crowded in there sometimes. Even with stricter silence rules, Taeil is easily distracted. It doesn’t exactly go unnoticed either. 

“Taeil? Taeil?”

Taeil jolts responding to such audible noise. “Huh! What?” After fine-tuning his ears to a purely mental conversation, sometimes actual  _ hearing _ becomes difficult. It’s not the first time he’s missed something Kun said to him, and the guilt he feels is racking up. 

“I was talking to you.”

“Uh, oh. Sorry.”

According to all outward appearances, Kun is Taeil’s best friend. They’ve known each other for years, and he’s the only person Taeil hangs out with outside of the classroom. But there’s always been this lingering awkwardness. Kun doesn’t know about the voices Taeil hears and communicates with. Taeil’s never been brave enough to tell him. A part of that comes from residual bad feelings like if he tells Kun, Kun will know that all this time Taeil’s had more friends than him. Because Taeil is Kun’s only best friend too. 

And more and more Taeil’s been the recipient of Kun’s disappointed gaze. All the times he doesn’t hear him because he’s tuned him out. All the times he doesn’t share some joke with Kun because he’s busy  _ thinking _ to his other friends. 

“You’ve been really out of it. Are you alright?” Kun asks. Taeil doesn’t have an answer.

“I’m just… I don’t know. I’m sorry.”

He imagines their split from best friends to just friends to maybe just acquaintances who used to be friends. If he doesn’t put a stop to his own wandering mind, it’ll happen for sure. But Taeil doesn’t know how to halt the inevitable. 

One day after school has ended, Yuta and Lisa having already found their buses home, Taeil talks to Doyoung. 

_ Have you ever had a best friend? Someone who’s not a Listener? _

It takes a while for Doyoung to answer. Taeil knows he’s somewhere in the back of the school. He routinely stays late for some kind of club activity, or maybe it’s for tutoring, Taeil can’t remember which and it’s too late to ask. 

_ A best friend? I suppose I did. Yes, for a while. But it’s hard _ .

Taeil muses over this. Both Lisa and Yuta have their own respective friend groups. Yuta plays on a couple of different sports team, Lisa dances. They talk about their activities and their friends periodically, but Doyoung doesn’t. And neither does Taeil. 

_ Yeah. Why is it so hard? _

_ Because they literally don’t think like us _ . Doyoung’s mental chuckle is warm, just a little bitter.  _ But honestly _ , he continues _ , it’s still harder to be friends with another Listener _ ,  _ or whatever you guys call... whatever we are _ . 

_ I thought you said you didn’t know any very well _ .

_ I didn’t. And I still don’t. Doesn’t mean I never wanted to _ .  _ I know you guys are used to chatting a lot, but don’t you ever feel like it’d be way cooler to just, be able to hang out? Be together and not have to… talk? _

Doyoung gives Taeil a lot to think about, partly about the way he treats Kun and takes him for granted, partly about being a Listener. Does he ever want to hang out with Lisa and Yuta? Sure, but it’s never been an option. The fact he hasn’t seriously considered it since the first time they all met strikes him suddenly as strange. 

And just like that, Taeil feels lonely again. 

  
  
  
  


He meets Jungwoo in the first month of sophomore year. He’s also Korean, and he’s not a Listener. Taeil strikes up a friendship out of sympathy for the new exchange student, inviting him to lunch with him and Kun, the latter of whom accepts him quickly but with a mildly reticent heart. Jungwoo is everything Taeil is not. Outwardly personable, witty, and handsome. He’s quick to laugh, touchy, and clingy. 

Jungwoo kisses him on the last day before winter break. A week later Taeil invites him over, and in the privacy of his own home, far enough away from all the voices in his head, they shed their clothes off the side of his bed. 

“I think I have a boyfriend,” he tells Kun the first day back in class. His face flushes red with embarrassment, and not a little fear; Kun takes it without a word of acknowledgment. He nods once, then pats Taeil on the back. Class begins. 

On the way out, he says, “It’s Jungwoo, right?” 

“Yes.”

“I’m happy for you.” 

He doesn’t look happy. 

Despite everything, Doyoung’s words come back to haunt Taeil. He still talks to the others, daily, hourly. Between the four Listeners they’re each others’ secret keepers, and there’s not a single thing that happens within the school that they don’t know of or share. Taeil doesn’t join any clubs because he has his own, right there in his head. He and Jungwoo are discreetly dating. They spend all their free time before class hanging out, arms wrapped a shoulder here, a waist there. 

But sometimes, he looks at Jungwoo and he  _ thinks _ something instead of saying it out loud. And sometimes Jungwoo says something to him and instead of replying, Taeil broadcasts his thoughts loud and clear to three other wholly uninterested, if not amused, parties. 

It takes him a while to realize but Taeil wants more. He wants the best of  _ both _ . 

Jungwoo squeezes his hand under the lunch table one day and while casually eating a sandwich says, “Taeil, is something… wrong? You’ve just been… really out of it lately. Are you alright?”

Taeil immediately sweats. Jungwoo’s hand feels like a noose around his neck. They’re the same words Kun said to him a year ago, Kun whom Taeil only sees in the one shared class they have during fifth period, and at no other time. 

He bites his lip and tries not to pull away or look guilty. 

“I’m… nothing is wrong.” Everything in him is urging him to confess. He doesn't want this to go the same way as with Kun. He likes Jungwoo, a lot. He likes kissing him, and making out; talking to him when he can actually remember how to do it. He wants to be that kind of couple who stays together all through high school and they graduate and go to the same university and from there they get married or at least live together for the rest of their lives. None of that will be possible if he doesn’t tell Jungwoo the truth. 

“Uhm. Jungwoo, what would you say if I told you…” he looks around the cafeteria. “That I could…” But he chickens out. “That I knew Yuta.”

“Yuta?”

“Mhmm.”

“Nakamoto Yuta?”

“Yes.”

Jungwoo stares at him incredulously for several long seconds. Then he laughs. “Is this a joke? Wait a second. You’re secretly two-timing me with a jock, I get it!” 

He goes back to his sandwich like Taeil just said the most hilarious thing. Ten minutes later after Taeil believes he’s thoroughly changed the subject Jungwoo asks him why he asked. 

“I don’t know? I mean, I met him in 6th grade. We… used to talk a bit. But that was a long time ago.” The more Taeil talks, the deeper he builds the lie. “I just, saw him earlier in passing and realized it’d been a long time since we hung out, but you know how you make friends with people and then you grow apart? It’s weird. I’m rambling. You can ignore me.” 

Jungwoo looks at him with wise, slightly pitying eyes. “You’re thinking about Kun, aren’t you?”

“Ahh, yeah.” He isn’t. Taeil’s thinking more about the isolation he feels from literally everyone around him instead of the three people he can’t actually sit down and talk to. 

Lisa, of course, has to take this opportunity to shout out.  _ I’m coming down the grand staircase, who’s in my way! _

_ Me, shit! Will you wait a sec?!  _ shouts Doyoung. 

_ Not me, I’m eating lunch _ , thinks Taeil. 

_ With the boyfriend? Luuucky _ , says Yuta.  _ Guess it’s an all clear! _

_ Excuse me _ , Doyoung whines _ , I’m still here _ ?

_ Best move out of the way now, I’m coming down! _

“Taeil?”

“What?! Sorry.”

Jungwoo smiles but this time he crooks his head like he can’t quite wrap his brain around Taeil’s weird mannerisms. 

“You okay? I was talking to you and…”

  
  
  
  


They break up the beginning of junior year. Taeil claims he doesn’t know how it happens. Loads of miscommunication, a waning summer relationship, guilt, more guilt. It’s Jungwoo who initiates it, but Taeil knows it’s because he didn’t give him any other option. He’s been colder with Jungwoo, less and less present even when the others aren’t around in his head. Jungwoo gives him one last goodbye hug, and Taeil revels in the kind of warmth he’s not sure he’ll ever have again. 

A month later Jungwoo is dating another boy in their year. Taeil weeps after school the first day he sees them together, and he lets Doyoung talk him back into a sense of sanity. 

_ I said it was hard, I didn’t say it was impossible _ . 

_Do you know of _any_ Listeners who have normal relationship? _Taeil cries_._ _You’ve met them? Talked to them? They’re perfectly capable of dealing with all of this… this shit_? 

Doyoung sighs long and clear in Taeil’s head. _Meet me out by the student parking lot in 5. DON’T_ _think a single thought!_

Taeil puts up every mental guard he knows of. Instead of thinking it feels hot outside, he lets himself feel the humidity. Instead of wondering what Doyoung is going to do, he lets his feet guide him, expectations be damned. 

Doyoung is standing next to the driveway in the shade of a large oak tree. Taeil approaches. He stares at the cars idling on the asphalt, listens to the band practicing around the building on a side lot, glances at Doyoung’s shoes, his hands, his neck, anywhere but in his eyes. 

Then Doyoung holds open his arms and Taeil walks into them before he even knows what he’s doing. 

A warmth envelopes him like Taeil’s never known. Long arms collapse around his back, he buries his face in Doyoung’s neck, body sighing like this is the best thing he’s going to get for a long, long time. He doesn’t think a thing. He just  _ feels _ .

_ You give great hugs, _ he tells Doyoung later. 

_ Thanks _ .  _ I’ve… never had anyone say that before actually _ .

_ Well, you do. You just do, you know.  _

Doyoung’s hum feels warm, just like he does _ . I’d say come back for that anytime but, you know _ . 

_ I know _ .  _ But really, thank you. I needed that _ .

_ I know. Try to have a good weekend, Taeil. Okay? _

_ I will.  _

  
  


That’s the last time Taeil tries to have a relationship in high school. He spends the remainder of his years there in a deeply platonic friendship with three people he never sees, focusing on his academics, and readying himself for college. 

_ Guys, I think I’m going to do it _ , he broadcasts throughout the school the first morning after receiving his acceptance letter _ .  _

_ Do what?  _ asks Doyoung.  _ Quit being a loser? _

_ Nah, it’s too late for that _ , Taeil agrees _ . _

_ Okay, as long as you acknowledge the Truth, _ says Yuta _ , now spill the beans _ .

_ I think… I’m going to back to Korea. I’m going back for university.  _

_ What!  _ Yuta shouts, a little too loud.

_ No way _ , says Doyoung.

The only one missing from this conversation is Lisa, who doesn’t respond for another twenty minutes. 

_ Sorry I was preoccupied for a moment there but.. You… wow. You’re… really leaving us. It’s really happening then. _

_ What’s happening?  _ says Yuta.

_ Us. Breaking apart. I’m going to California _ .  _ Doyoung’s going to Atlanta _ . 

Even Yuta is uncharacteristically quiet for a long spell. _And I’m staying here…_ _Gee, we should have a party before we all split, huh?_

It’s a wonderful idea, but it never happens. 

  
  
  


A few months later Taeil arrives on campus in Seoul. He steps out into the air, inhales once, and thinks _ , Is anyone out there? _

Ten seconds is all it takes for the response to come.  _ New voice, huh? Nice to meet you. What’s your name? I’m Johnny.  _


	2. Chapter 2

Taeil learns so much more about the  _ Listeners  _ in his first week of college. But also not enough. Johnny isn’t the only one he meets. Including Taeil, there are at least six of them with active inner voices. Unlike in high school, though, they aren’t automatically friends. There are two female upperclassmen Soonkyu and Taeyeon. The girls barely introduce themselves to Taeil from somewhere across the campus, and he never even learns what they look like for another couple of months. But there’s also Ten who cheerfully stands on the edge of a fountain and waves to Taeil in the distance until he gets chased off by a passing TA. Taeil likes him a lot and is glad he seems to be friendly. 

The sixth person is actually a professor of Korean literature, Kim Yoona. Taeil greets her politely in his head after her first general inquiry. 

_ Moon Taeil? _ She responds in a delicate voice.  _ Come talk to me if you’re ever having difficulties adjusting here. I’ll usually be quite silent, but that doesn’t mean I can’t hear when one of you speaks. Also, I’d advise you to  _ not _ enroll in any of my classes, for reasons you and I well understand. _

Taeil appreciates her offer, however, Johnny is the one who takes him under his wing. 

_ So you’ve ‘met’ just about everybody then. Don’t worry about running into people like us that often. This is a big campus. We can usually avoid each other pretty easily.  _

_ Don’t you ever get too close to one another though? _ Taeil has to ask.

_ Sure, I guess. There have been a few accidents. But it’s not like you die if it gets too loud. It’s just uncomfortable for a while.  _

He learns Johnny’s schedule anyway, and eventually the other four offer up their timetables as well. But Johnny is right and the campus is large. He almost never runs into anyone but Ten and Johnny, and sometimes Professor Kim. The two upperclassmen are usually so far away that all he ever hears of them are nondescript whispers. 

What little he does learn though is vital, and it’s all through Johnny.

_ I asked Professor Kim my first week here. She said there’s really no explanation for this ability, or disability, however you like to put it. Also, there’s no real way to test it.  _ She _ heard from another Listener that thirty years ago someone volunteered themselves to the government for experiments but they couldn’t prove anything. The official diagnosis was mental illness and delusions, which is probably why the person went to the ‘experts’ in the first place. Didn’t help.  _

_ So, _ says Taeil wearily _ , no one really knows we’re real? _

_ I wouldn’t say that. Supposedly there are scientists, non-Listeners, who suspect or genuinely believe this ability exists. They just can’t do anything about us without proper cooperation. We’re also practically invisible to outsiders. Maybe there have been others who volunteered or were picked up by agencies but between you and me and Professor Kim and every other Listener I’ve met or heard of, I’m perfectly fine navigating this world as I please. _

Taeil feels that personally. Are there setbacks to what he can do? Absolutely, and Taeil can’t pretend his life up until now has been one hundred percent amazing all the time. But it has been good enough. 

_ So that’s all we know huh?  _ he asks Johnny, who responds helplessly.

_ ‘Fraid so. Anyways, tell me about the friends you had in high school.  _

  
  


Taeil doesn’t officially  _ meet _ Johnny until their second week of classes. He’d spent the whole two weeks getting adjusted to campus life, attending mandatory seminars, learning about his professors, and also his new roommate. Niel is certifiably not a Listener, but he is blessed with an overabundance of energy, sings in the shower, and is forward enough to invite himself along wherever Taeil goes for his meals. As Taeil is entering the dorm cafeteria he overhears Johnny and Ten conversing about the meal of the day. 

_ Hello to you two _ , says Taeil, while single-handedly not letting on that he’s having two conversations in one. 

“How about that corner table?” he asks Niel.

“Looks good.”

_ You sound close _ , Johnny responds. 

_ Just entering the cafeteria _ . 

“Uh, how about you go first and I’ll save the table. There aren’t many open spots right now.”

“You sure?” says Niel. 

Taeil nods. “I’ll be fine. Not starving.”

_ Where are you anyway? _

Yes, he’s gotten much better at this two-method thing since high school. 

_ In a corner somewhere? What are directions. I’m in the northeast corner? _

_ I’m not even in the building,  _ Ten interjects.  _ So you’re safe from me. _

Taeil reaffirms that he’s completely opposite from Johnny, otherwise his head would not be feeling pleasant right now. 

_ Got it. Let me know when you leave so we don’t cross paths.  _

_ Sure,  _ says Johnny.  _ Hey, wait.  _

_ Yeah?  _

_ We haven't actually met. I’m standing up, can you see me? _

Taeil squints his eyes. The cafeteria is huge, large enough that they can be in opposite corners and not be in danger of getting too loud. But that doesn’t mean his eyes don’t work. 

_ Johnny, there are a lot of people standing up. _

_ Yeah, but I’m probably the tallest.  _

Taeil actually huffs out loud. 

_ Alright alright, I’m looking. What do you look like? _

_ Tall dark and handsome. Have you spotted me yet? _

He hears Ten laughing from somewhere outside. 

_ I think I do… maybe? _

Honestly, Taeil has no idea what he’s looking for. Some tall guy with a big ego and an unusual, invisible gift. And there really are a lot of people milling around, some stationary, others moving about with their trays of food. The audible echo of the place and the sea of bodies is not conducive to picking out just  _ one _ person.

But then the sea parts, just for a moment. 

And there he stands. Soaring above the heads around him, one hand on his hip, the other rustling through the too-long bangs of his black hair. He meets Taeil’s eyes, and Taeil just freezes. 

_ There you are _ , says Johnny. And smiles. 

A glow overcomes his face, and Taeil barely manages to shoot a quick smile back. There’s an awful thumping like the sensation of growing too near to a Listener, only this one’s not in his head, it’s in his chest. Taeil doesn’t remember what he says next but he sits down fast, a little woozy from the encounter. Like he’s been struck by lightning. Or at least, a very severe,  _ impossible _ crush. 

Taeil’s screwed. Absolutely screwed. 

  
  
  


Every now and then Doyoung sends Taeil an e-mail. Taeil reads them immediately and then takes two to three days to digest and respond. For some reason, with Doyoung, Taeil is hit with a wage of nostalgia he doesn’t have for any of his former friends, not even Yuta or Lisa. Not Kun with whom he is still facebook friends except he doesn’t check the platform anymore. Definitely not with Jungwoo who managed to break Taeil’s heart even when it wasn’t even Jungwoo’s fault. 

But Taeil and Doyoung went through similar experiences, albeit at different times. They both started out very lonely in their own heads, and then they went on to make good friends. Sometimes, Taeil still feels the phantom arms of Doyoung comforting him in his darkest hour. And thinking about that, how rare the physical interactions of Listeners are to each other. 

_ Sorry you don’t like your university as much as you thought you would. I hope that changes for you soon?!  _ he writes.

There’s only one other Listener in Doyoung’s new school, and it’s a tenured professor who’s so good at tuning the voices out, both his and others, that he’s practically not even there. Doyoung actually thinks that may be a good thing, that he’ll be able to live a semi-normal life and have real friends. 

Taeil is almost jealous for him. Other than Niel, he’s made a handful of acquaintances, fellow students in his major and others who live on his floor, but none that he might call friends. Taeil is still painfully tied down to the few people he can’t tune out. It’s not his fault. It’s a biological freak of nature but when Taeil is wandering the sidewalks between buildings talking to some girl or boy and out of the blue he hears that  _ voice _ , his brain instantly attunes to it. He can’t escape from his fellow Listeners. 

Or maybe it’s just Johnny’s voice. 

It’s easy to envision Johnny’s expressions and mannerisms now that he’s seen his face. Johnny just has to say something, and Taeil puts two and two together, sees it all as one image even if Johnny’s nowhere to be seen. With Yuta and Lisa, and even Doyoung, that took some time. Months, practically. But with Johnny, it happened instantly. 

_ So I was off-campus grocery shopping and bumped into a middle-aged Listener lady _ -

_ Wait, _ Taeil interrupts.  _ Start over. How did you know I was nearby? _

_ Uh, you were breathing really heavy. I don’t know. I heard you mumbling? Anyways, so I was griping at the cost of strawberries and she just jumps in and starts telling me where I can buy better priced fruit and pretty soon we’re talking about her and her husband and her kids and now I’m pretty sure parenthood is the worst thing in the world. I mean this woman never sleeps! How crazy is that! _

All their conversations are like this. There’s no greeting, no introduction. Just Johnny somehow sensing whenever Taeil is close and Johnny starts reciting anecdotes about his day since the last time they ran into each other. 

_ Someone once told me that Listeners are never born into the same family _ , says Taeil. 

_ Oh my god can you imagine, _ Johnny exclaims.  _ If there were more than one of us and we had to live together! That’s practically suicide. Hey, do you suppose it’s just a gene scientists haven’t yet detected?  _

_ Maybe? Why. Wanna go together to the nearest government facility to test it out? _

Johnny’s inner laugh is pleasant to listen to, like a hum Taeil doesn’t need to process because it’s just there, inside his chest and it’s warm, comforting. Just a little bit agonizing. 

  
  


Despite the friends he’s made in his head, Taeil still finds adjusting to living in another country hard. He’s now speaking a language full time where he only half spoke it at home. The customs are different, the people are different, even the weather is different. Niel takes him out shopping one day after deciding Taeil’s five pairs of shorts aren’t fashionable. Taeil comes home not entirely satisfied with his new wardrobe but he does acquire a new hoodie that makes him happy. He wears it over shorts. 

_ I really wasn’t prepared for everyone to dress so much… I don’t know, nicer?  _ He’s telling Johnny one chilly afternoon. 

_ Hey, I think you’re alright. It’s a college campus, not everyone has to look good.  _

Taeil almost takes that as an insult until Johnny adds,  _ Besides, I think you have sexy legs. _

_ Excuse me?  _ He’s so embarrassed, he diverts his thoughts.  _ When did you see my legs? _

Johnny’s hesitation is telling. 

_ Oh, just sometimes… I run into you but we’re too close so I just… _

He doesn’t finish that thought. 

Taeil stands in the shade of the building he’s just passing and looks around like he’s going to be able to spot Johnny hiding behind some tree while he ogles his legs. He sees nothing, which isn’t surprising. The campus walkways spiral around each building, facility, and grove of scenic greenery. 

_ I never see you,  _ he admits.

_ Yeah, I know. You walk with your head down most of the time. Also, you’re really quiet.  _

_ I uhm, yeah I try to be. Had to when I was in high school.  _

What he doesn’t say is that Johnny must practice the same tricks. They’ve never once accidentally  _ thought  _ at each other when it was too close to bear. 

_ Is that how you always know when to talk?  _ Taeil asks instead.  _ You wait for when I’m farther away.  _

_ Uhm, Maybe.  _

And it sounds like flirting. It really does.

  
  
  


Now that it’s on his mind, Taeil can’t shake the thought that everywhere he goes, Johnny might be spying on him. The fun thing is, it’s not as creepy as it probably should be. But it does keep Johnny closer in Taeil’s mind. Now when he gets up in the morning he takes an extra second to peek at his legs in Niel’s full-length mirror, imagining that they look good. When he does his hair, or when his hairdo gets thrashed by the wind, he wonders if Johnny will laugh at him. Or would he think Taeil’s handsome? Call it artful or windblown. When he wears his hoodie, he thinks perhaps Johnny would like this color. He’s seen Johnny wear similar shades. 

_ You seem to be in a rush today _ , says Johnny out of the blue.

Taeil instantly grins. He can’t see the other Listener and chances are they’ve already passed without him knowing, but still his heart thrills that Johnny saw him. 

_ I am. Late for lecture of course.  _

_ Oh, I’m sorry. Should I let you go? _

_ Nah, I have a couple more minutes. I can do it. _

His legs are already aching a little bit, muscles working full rhythm and then some. There’s sweat sticking to the back of his shirt in spite of the cold weather. 

Johnny’s laughter comes out as a hum that fuels Taeil’s body.  _ Good luck racing then. I ran into Ten earlier and he was actually running but he claimed he does that for exercise. Just going in circles. Can you imagine? _

_ Nope,  _ Taeil quips.  _ Some of us get all the stimulation we need just walking to class. _

They leave the conversation there but when Taeil files out of his lecture two hours later he  _ sees _ Johnny across the green. Taeil keeps walking but Johnny has noticed him coming. He can’t go as close as he wants to, not without having to keep his inner mouth shut. Johnny is sitting on a bench, a couple of textbooks sitting next to him, but he’s not reading any of them. He’s literally just sitting there watching Taeil approach, arms crossed like it’s a dare, not at all embarrassed to be caught watching him. 

And Taeil feels so  _ bold _ . 

He steps off the sidewalk and keeps going right into the grass. He sees Johnny’s eyebrows go up even at this distance. Neither one of them  _ talks _ . 

Taeil’s feet are walking on autopilot, but with the crunch of his brain to keep all thoughts to himself, there’s no other way to go. He feels the crunch of the leaves under his feet, the slightly parched and dry grass. There’s a weak sun peeking through the cloud cover and it’s setting a gentle glow on Johnny’s face. 

The closer he gets, the more confused Johnny looks. The more rigid. He didn’t expect this, Taeil knows. It gives him such a rush! 

Taeil only stops when they are toe to toe. He smiles. Johnny smiles. Actually, Johnny’s mouth is a crooked grin with a hint of wonderment. So Taeil just tilts his head as if to say ‘hi’ and conscious of the fact that Johnny’s eyes are flickering between his face and his bare lower legs. Taeil lifts his hand. Johnny flinches. But Taeil only brushes his fingertips over the top of the highest textbook next to Johnny, a heavy tome on algebra and trigonometry. Taeil smirks, glad he doesn’t have to deal with the stress of math this semester. Of this, he shares none of it with Johnny. Just looks up and stares into his eyes and then starts walking away. 

Five minutes later he hears a heavy sigh inside his head and the words,  _ Fuck that was hot _ .

Taeil doesn’t reply, but he does flush over his daring and smiles at no one in particular. He’s imagining Johnny’s face, can see it exactly. 

Ten is the one who responds, his voice faint.  _ What was hot? _

Johnny says,  _ This guy I just saw. He came right up to me... Just right up to me...  _ Taeil knows Johnny knows he’s still in range.  _ It was hot, okay.  _

  
  
  


And just like that, now there’s officially something between them. It’s fun and it’s sexy, but it’s infuriatingly platonic because Taeil can’t march up into Johnny’s space  _ and _ flirt with him at the same time. 

Taeil emails Doyoung of his own volition this time, not even waiting to get one first and asks him, _Remember that time we hugged? Was it really hard for you?_ _I don’t mean just physically and I’m not trying to embarrass you but, I’ve gotten to know another Listener and it’s making me wonder, is it possible? To actually spend time with a person like that and still be able to compress all our thoughts and not even _talk_ to one another? _

Niel drags him off campus to eat ramen for dinner before Doyoung can reply. Taeil slurps his noodles with an oppressive but brimming heartache. 

Since that time, he and Johnny have been  _ talking _ even more. They’ve flirted so much even Ten has tossed out a few theatrical vomit sounds from some hidden spot and yelled  _ Get a room!  _

Only this morning Taeil was walking his normal route to class when behind him came Johnny’s voice. 

_ There. I see you. Wait, don’t turn around. The view is too nice from here. _

Taeil put an extra sashay to his steps and kept on going. No one needed to know that his face was actually bright red or why his cheeks were radiating heat. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Hm?” 

Niel is slurping a soda loudly, his eyebrows heightened in curiosity. “You just seem kind of, zoned out? Are you thinking about something? Someone? Oh, is it a girl. Or a guy?”

Taeil snaps out of his funk and sits back in the booth. He gives a short laugh. “Something like that. It’s a bit harder than it seems though.”

“To think about someone, or to ask them out?”

“Both!” 

Niel too sits back and blows a long exhale across the table. “Man, it always is, isn’t it. I wouldn’t worry about it too much though if I were you.”

“Oh? Why?”

He winks. “Because you’re Taeil? And you’re really cool”

Some of the tension bleeds out of Taeil’s body. “You’re not trying to ask me out are you?” 

Niel bodily laughs. “Hah! No way. You’re far too out of the bro code, and we room together. That gets messy. Trust me! I have some friends who- never mind. Just tell me though if you ever want to …. you know… have the room to yourself some night.” Another wink.

Taeil is unfortunately quick to reassure him, “Oh, no. I probably won’t need that.” As if he and Johnny could ever occupy the same tiny space in the way Taeil wishes they could. “Thanks though.” 

“No problem, man.”

  
  
  


Doyoung takes three days to respond. Taeil would be more annoyed but seeing as he does the same thing himself, he expects Doyoung has been drafting his reply all this time. 

_ Dear Taeil _

(Because Doyoung is so conventional he still begins his emails like that)

_ I’m guessing the reason you ask is because it’s super pertinent for you right now and all I can say is, try not to break your heart again, please? Look, that time we hugged was super hard but I knew you needed it, and I knew it could be done. But it’s not easy, and it’s even harder to keep that up.  _

_ Sometimes, in the beginning when I was around all of you guys in high school I would forget to announce myself or I wouldn’t be paying attention to what everyone said and I’d find myself suddenly too close to a conversation and I’d literally break down and have to cry. Or run away really fast and go hide in a storage room or the first empty classroom, whichever was closest, until I could breathe again. The pain was so bad. I got better, believe me, it wasn’t this way for long. But like you, I also learned how to keep my thoughts buried so deep that when this happened I wouldn’t automatically  _ think _ something and cause you pain as well.  _

_ Maybe, maybe that’s where your answer lays? I’m sorry I can’t tell you more, and I also don’t know enough about our kind of people to know if anyone has ever been able to just be  _ normal _ with another Listener _ .  _ Doesn’t mean it never happens though. I bet there’s somebody out there who has been able to make it work.  _

_ Maybe that person can be you?  _

  
  


If Johnny is at all bothered by the impossible game they’re playing, he doesn’t indicate it. Doesn’t act like there’s a boundary or a point of no return. He continues to compliment Taeil’s legs, his backside, even his face. He blows kisses from across the grounds which cause the people near him to look around because no one expects it to be directed to a person as far away as Taeil. Taeil, meanwhile, continues on stoically, and only Johnny (and sometimes Ten) can hear him say,  _ You’re embarrassing yourself, Seo. _

_ For you, always.  _

But still, they talk in their usual manner. Johnny continues to whine about his daily woes and curiosities, and Taeil opens up about his course load and the hardships of living abroad.

_ Maybe you guessed it but I’m also not from here.  _

And it’s so comforting to have someone who understands not only what it’s like to be abroad but also someone, exactly like him.

Sometimes, when Johnny isn’t around, Ten will ask him questions, and his silent words are full of unspoken worry.

_ So, you and Johnny, huh? _

_ What about me and Johnny?  _

_ Nothing. Just that, you seem close… _

_ We are. _

_ Yes, but I mean ‘close’ close, you know? _

Taeil does know, and he gets Ten’s subtle waring, but he doesn’t think Ten really understands how important this issue has been for Taeil for years. Maybe he didn’t have a friend like Doyoung, someone who literally pushed the boundaries when it was urgent. He doesn't believe it’s possible. 

Taeil wants to believe it is.

So he keeps on trying. He stops waiting for Johnny to find him, and he looks for Johnny first. He hears that lovely voice coming in his direction and when Johnny starts to speak, he says,  _ Hush! _

Then he stands around pretending to look a tree and when he gets a glimpse of that handsome face and meets his eyes, he knows Johnny gets what he wants to do. He sucks in his thoughts, knows Johnny is too. And the walk-by is nothing complicated, but it’s also the hardest thing Taeil can ever do. He waits in place and Johnny approaches and at first, they pretend like they’re strangers and Johnny makes like he’s going to walk right on by. 

At the last second, he catches Taeil’s hand. 

Something sings within his body, his fingers seize up like they’ve captured by something wonderful and it sends something crawling up his arm, down his spine, into his gut. 

Then Johnny’s hand is gone and Johnny is practically sprinting away leaving Taeil by himself heaving breaths of too fresh air. A full minute later, Johnny’s voice, also sounding out of breath says,  _ Sorry I ran for it, that was all I could handle!! I wanted to say so many things! _

Taeil makes sure he’s cool and collected before responding.  _ Oh yeah? Tell me now then.  _

  
  


_ Have you ever thought about dating again? _ Johnny asks, because Taeil’s already told him all about Jungwoo by now. 

_ Is this a loaded question? Do you want me to date you? _

It’s the kind of thing Taeil would never say out loud, or to someone’s face, but because he actually can’t do those things, with the power of his mind, he can be bolder than normal.

Johnny fake shrieks in his head.  _ Is  _ that _ a loaded question? How do you want me to answer? I feel like this is a trick question. Is it possible to say the wrong thing right now? _

Ten takes a moment to butt in,  _ Hey guys since I’m out of class should I go take a bus around campus to give you some privacy? _

_ Please, _ says Johnny without hesitation.

Whether Ten is gone or not, Taeil doesn’t even consider him anymore. Ever since he and Johnny have been practicing being around one another they’ve managed a few more handshakes, a head pat, a few touches to the shoulder, and each time they do it the moments last a few seconds longer than the last time. 

_ I guess I’ve thought about it, _ says Taeil.

_ Yeah? How often? _

_ Every... day? _

_ Every day since you met me? _

Taeil laughs.  _ Here you are fishing for more compliments, huh? _

And Johnny laughs too, but suddenly he’s quiet. It’s a rare moment and the kind that makes Taeil wish they could see each other. He wants to know why Johnny isn’t talking. If facial expressions could explain the gap of what he can’t hear in his voice. 

But then Johnny says, tone serious,  _ You know I always thought I could be really good at long-distance relationships _ .

Taeil’s breath catches. He doesn’t dare say or think anything, letting Johnny continue. 

_Isn’t that kind of what we have already?_ _Taeil? Are you still there?_

Taeil exhales slowly.  _ I’m here.  _

For once Johnny’s inner voice isn’t teasing. He’s not flirting, he’s not making some stupid joke which has Taeil laughing for hours. 

_ Where are you?  _ asks Johnny.  _ I want to try something. If, that’s okay with you. _

_ Maybe, what do you want to try? _

_ Uh oh, not so fast. I’m going to find you and… just promise me something, okay? Don’t. Think. Anything.  _

_ I can try?  _ says Taeil, praying that what’s about to happen is what he thinks will be. 

In preparation, he focuses on everything around him instead. The brightness of the sky, the trees which are losing their leaves for winter, the chill in the air, how everybody but him is dressed warmly in long pants and cozy jackets. He doesn’t think about Johnny. Johnny, who? 

All that changes when he appears in front of Taeil. He doesn’t even know which direction he came from except that now he’s here. And Taeil wants to shout, wants to shout so loud it’ll burst his eardrums, Johnny’s eardrums too, and everyone around them. Instead, he buries it. Johnny’s eyes are open wide, his lips are open; there’s tension in his entire body but Taeil holds to his promise and  _ he doesn’t. think. _

He just looks, and he absorbs, everything about the moment. The color of Johnny’s sweater, dark brown, the fit of his collar where it rests against his neck, the gulp of his throat as Johnny gets near, or maybe it’s Taeil moving instead. He lifts his gaze and stares into those dark brown eyes. Suddenly there’s nowhere else for Johnny to go. They’re standing toe to toe and Johnny looks like he’s either about to die or bolt. Like a feather could knock him over and make him run for the hills. 

Taeil stares at his eyelashes, at the slope of his nose, at his lips. 

Slowly, the absolute slowest movement of all, Johnny lifts his arm and touches his hand to Taeil’s shoulder. There’s a question in that touch, a confirmation they can’t make with words, can’t make with their minds. If this is going to work, it’s going to be entirely about touch, and feel. 

Taeil brings himself to meet his eyes once more, and this time he nods. 

At the press of Johnny’s lips, he slams his eyes shut, closes his mind even more. Johnny’s lips are chapped, but they’re so so gentle and warm against his skin. Taeil reciprocates before he can  _ think _ . It’s been so long that he had a person like this, someone who liked him, wanted to touch him, kiss him. The hand not on Taeil’s arm comes up to cup Taeil’s face. Johnny gasps like he’s going to pass out and then presses in again. 

There’s a squeeze in Taeil’s brain suppressing everything he wants to say, every squeak, every moan. Audible through that, however, is Johnny’s moan. Taeil registers it with his ear, not his mind. He begs himself not to respond, not in the way he wants to. He doesn't know if he can actually hold it in, all he knows is that Johnny is kissing him and  _ this _ is the best thing in the world. 

Johnny pulls away after much too short of a time. The muscles of his forehead are tight and he’s breathing heavily, but there’s a giant smile on his face and Taeil wants more, wants to lean back in again. He too is smiling but it’s also  _ so much _ . Before he knows it, Johnny takes two steps backward, grinning broadly, and then he takes off running. 

Not thirty seconds later, Taeil hears loudly across the campus, an actual shout. Everyone around him stops to stare off in the direction of Johnny’s voice. 

“Wooooooaooooahhhhhhh!!!!”

  
  
  
  
  


Taeil’s getting used to headaches now. It happens when he’s become a regular at repressing all thoughts, even the hums, the sighs of his inaudible mind. Ten doesn’t know how they do it, but Johnny just teases him. 

_ Someday, you’ll find a reason.  _

_ God, I hope not, _ says Ten with a laugh. 

But now Taeil and Johnny are officially dating, and yes it is more like a long-distance relationship than anything else. Outwardly they do the same things as before. Taeil wakes up and goes to class and he chats with whoever is around on his way there and back, usually Johnny. He eats half his meals with Niel who keeps questioning him about why he’s so happy all the time when he’s not even seeing anybody. But Niel doesn’t know that he secretly is. Johnny isn’t a secret, but when their time together is so brief he might as well be. 

When he’s with Johnny, it’s also the same. Except their times together grow longer and longer, and the headaches are severe but not impossible to overcome. They talk about the future and about how unconventional their relationship is. Will they ever be able to live together? Who knows. Will they even last a couple? That’s in the future. Right now it’s day to day, and that’s fine with Taeil. 

If anyone ever asks though, quiet sex, the absolute quietest… is just as fun as the rest. 

  
  
  
  
  


_ Dear Doyoung, _

_ I think I might have done it. It’s imperfect, and you’re right, it’s damned hard, but… I think it’s going to work out.  _

_ Thank you for everything,  _

_ Taeil  _

**Author's Note:**

> Come talk to me [Twitter](https://twitter.com/ShineALightRose) ~ [CC](https://curiouscat.me/ShineALightRose)


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